Monday, March 31, 2014

a year ago today...

March 31, 2013, one year ago today, was the day that we found out we were pregnant with Jaxon.  It was Easter sunday and my mom was here visiting.  I remember taking a pregnancy test that morning first thing, totally expecting a negative because well, that's all I had ever gotten.  My cycles are abnormally long, but they are consistent, so being on day 43 wasn't a huge deal for me.  But I thought oh what the heck, wouldn't it be cool if we were pregnant?  

And there it was… the word 'pregnant.'  :)  I remember just staring at the word for a minute or two.  Is this real?  Am I really pregnant?  No way.  Really?  :) I was in shock, I was ecstatic, I was trying hard not to bounce off the wall because what if it was a false positive?  Well, obviously it wasn't a false positive, it was Jaxon.  The beginning of the best 9 months of my life so far.  

A year ago today, he was here with us.  And now he's not.  Depressing, yes?  And then, I think about what he would be doing here… He'd be about 4 1/2 months old, sleeping and eating and pooping and peeing, repeat.  He'd be smiling and giggling, cooing and rolling over.  But you know what?  He's not doing that in heaven I don't think.  I think he's running and laughing with the other souls in heaven right now- the friends he's made in the last 4 months, talking with Jesus, and learning about who he is.  But not the way we do.  It's just different up there, so much better.  He is being loved in a way that I can only imagine- and I'm 100% sure what I can imagine doesn't even scratch the surface.  

I miss those feet in my ribs.  Today really could have just sucked- it marked the first of many anniversaries yet to come.  But when I think of my boy and what his day was like, I'm happy with it.  He is happy where he is.  And that does make me happy.  

Thank God that life here on this earth is not the whole story.

John 16:33-
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  

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