During my visit with Kate on Tuesday, I told her about my doubts and my anger and all my questions. I could see the urgency in her eyes- she wanted to tell me "it's all going to be okay," but couldn't because she knew all to well that those words wouldn't help. Instead, she says, "borrow my hope." This is why I like reading the stories of other moms who have been there. Because I see in their stories how they survive, how they find joy in the details, how they put their trust in Jesus's promise. (Now seriously be careful whose stories you read, because obviously there are some stories out there that just plain suck- no hope, no will to live, no God, etc. These are people with no hope.)
Speaking of hope, do you have hope? Do you know what Jesus did for you on the cross? I mean what He did for you. Have you ever accepted His promises as truth? If you were to die today, do you know where you are going?
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
Those are Jesus' words. He says we know the way to heaven, it's a matter of acknowledging it or not. If you've never accepted any of this as truth, will you? What do you have to lose by putting your trust in God? You don't have anything to lose. But you have everything to gain.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."
If you're curious about who this God is I'm always talking about, ask Him. Talk to Him. Literally! I usually wait until I'm alone in my apartment, but yea, I talk out loud to God :) Ask Him into your heart and into your life and then seek Him out. The best thing I ever did is go to a bible study. The bible is real, the history is there. God is real, He will be there. If He shows up for someone like me, I promise you He will show up for you. All you have to do is say something like, "Jesus I want to know you. I feel in my heart that you are God, you made the heavens and the earth, you made all of us. I have done some awful things (we all have) and these things weigh me down. I need your forgiveness and your salvation. Please come into my life and take over. Take these burdens and help me carry them."
It's as simple as that. I have the hope that helps me survive because of what Jesus did for me and for you on the cross. I will see my son again because of Jesus and nothing else. Hope means confident expectation in Hebrew… somewhere in America we got screwed up into using the word 'hope' in place of 'wish.' That's not what I have, I don't have a wish to see my son again. I have the confident expectation that I will see my son again.