Romans 8:28 says,
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose."
This says a lot to me about all those questions that keep torturing my relationship with God. I do think that God did not cause this to happen. God is good- if you read and study His word, then you know who God is. I do think the devil messes with us quite a bit as well. I find that I contradict myself a lot with my thoughts and my writing. But God doesn't do that. Humans do. I think that's why christians are called hypocrites so often. Because we are! ;) I am not perfect and I don't have it all figured out. Yes, I am mad at God, but I LOVE HIM.
I think of it like a parent child relationship… a child will lash out at their parents- have you seen a 2 yr old throw a tantrum? Well, I guess thats sort of what I'm doing right now. I just don't understand why this has to be. I know it happens to other people, but it happened to me and I don't like it. Just like the 2 yr old. Yea, sister didn't get that cookie either, but I WANT IT and YOU"RE SO MEAN for not letting me have it, so I'm going to be mad and I'm going to scream at you because I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY. But you know that 2 yr old loves his parents. And you know those parents love that 2 yr old.
"…in all things God works for the good of those who love Him…" Even in death. Even when your child dies, God is working to make it good. I trust in God and I know He keeps His promises. I seek this plan- His plan, because His Word says that if I seek Him, I will find Him, and ultimately His purpose- and it is good. There is purpose in this pain. There is purpose in your pain. There is purpose in the pain when we seek the purpose. And the only way to find it is to find God. God will make it good. Read His word, talk to Him, listen for His voice. Be still and know that He is God- not the tv, not facebook, not your friends or your coworkers, not the mall, and definitely not that chocolate chip cookie (yes that's soooo my weakness.)
I had a long walk with my friend Miranda the other day. I came to her with all these questions and my anger with God. Neither of us had the answers. But we did agree on one thing… we don't have to know the answers, we just have to trust. That can be the easiest thing, or the hardest thing. It's easy when you let it go. It's hard when you hang onto the questions. My little 2 yr old brain just can't comprehend God's infinity yr old ways.