Since my outburst a couple days ago, I've been looking at Philippians 4:8 quite a bit. And guess what! It showed up today as my verse of the day in my bible app. I think God is trying to tell me something here. :) "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Phil 4:8
Last night I had bible study with some of my favorite women. Our lesson was basically about shaking off the burdens we all carry. Some are so heavy, some are creeper-uppers, and some we don't even realize they are there. But at some point, they begin to cripple us. In Luke 13:10-13, we see a woman who was crippled with arthritis for 18 years that comes to Jesus to be healed. Verse 12 says, "When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, 'Woman you are set free from your infirmity.'" Just like that, she stood up straight and was healed. Wow. There are stories like this all over the gospels. Jesus is a miracle worker!
We all have burdens that cripple us in one way or another. That old flame that shows his face and stomps ache in your heart all over again? Those bills piled up in the corner? Your precious gramma diagnosed with cancer? Your mother recovered from cancer only to find out she has congestive heart failure? That unexpected miracle that keeps you up at night worrying and in fear because you know what's coming? That job interview that went so well and they haven't called you back yet? The fear that you have of that bedroom door being open because your father abused you as a child? That sweet baby that you said hello and goodbye to all in the same day? These are all reasons (not all of these are my reasons) to make us want to pull our hair out and cry ourselves to sleep. The other night, my burden was so heavy that I lashed out in anger at my keyboard. I am not proud that I did that, but you know what? I'm not sorry, either. I'm not sorry because it was REAL. I'm not here to say that because I know Jesus, my life is all flowers and sunshine no matter what. I don't believe that God won't give me more than I can handle either, because obviously I can't handle this. I have lovingly been hit in the face once again by the One who has carried me for the past 3 months and 13 days.
I can't handle this. But Jesus can. And He carries me, when I come to Him. He will carry you when you come to Him. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30. Jesus wants us to come to Him so we can rest. He will take it all on. I think I'm ready to try this again and let Him.
And so, I will think of the day that Jaxon and I will be reunited, the day I will look at God in the face and ask Him to show me the big picture. Because, that is a lovely thing. It's right. So now, I'll focus on my sign that I bought a few weeks ago that is hung up on my bathroom wall. When I saw this sign, I immediately grabbed it because I knew I would need it. The funny thing is, it was the only one left and I think I know Who left it there for me. So here I am, looking in awe, because the One who carries me reminded me to. :)