So it was after these boxes were complete that sweet whisper to call Baylor became the loud and constant knocking of the Holy Spirit. :)
That very next day, on the 28th of May, after bawling like a baby over the phone to the chaplain's secretary, I got a phone call from Chaplain Albert from Baylor. She started asking about these "cope boxes." Haha, I didn't really break stride as I began explaining to her about my HOPE box, and we started laughing together when she realized that they aren't cope boxes, they are hope boxes. :) Anyway…
Chaplain Albert starts to tell me about a dinner that Baylor was going to have for their bereaved parents of 2014. She explained that this was the first year they were having it, and since I lost Jaxon in 2013, I wasn't told about it. So she invited John-Michael and me to the 1st Annual Support and Encouragement Dinner hosted by the Baylor Chaplains. I got the invitation in the mail a few days later, and an email that I wasn't expecting.
This dinner is why the Holy Spirit would not stop bugging me…
If you can read there under special guests, it says Michelle Garza right next to Hope Mommies. In the unexpected email, I was asked by Chaplain Albert to share about Jaxon and what Hope Mommies has done to minister to me, and bring some hope boxes for the families that would be attending the dinner. I mean, gosh I had planned on bringing some boxes, but I hadn't planned on being a formal speaker. Here we go again with my nerves for public speaking.
But I have good news again! :) I didn't die at that dinner on June 14th, I survived. I cried, yes, but I also survived. And you know what, crying is nothing to be scared of. Crying doesn't mean you're not being strong. I've heard that so many times… "I need to be strong for my family," (meaning can't show any emotion). Well I call BS!
Crying is the courage to show emotion.
Crying is knowing better than to hold everything inside.
That, my friends is strength.
It's not only strength, it is smart. Not showing emotion and holding it all inside is when it gets dangerous. We can't physically, mentally, or emotionally contain all of that deep, deep grief inside and be healthy. It will break you. So CRY!!! And be proud of it, let it out, and continue on with the day, or the hour, or the minute. Some people choose to let it all out in the privacy of their own home. Me, on the other hand, I choose to let it out everywhere, ha! Actually, I don't think it's my choice, it's just how God made me. Don't get me wrong, I save the hard, productive cries for my home. But God made me an emotional person, and I'm definitely sure that it's not a bad thing anymore. Anyway, I'm getting away from my post…
God doesn't give us a spirit of timidity, remember? He gives us a spirit of power, and of love, and of self-discipline.
So I shared with about 10 families about my smooth pregnancy with Jaxon, about that heartbreaking day we found out he had gone to be with Jesus, about Hope Mommies and all the wonderful things they do for grieving families, and I invited for them to take a hope box in hopes of it ministering to them as it did for me.
It was such a humbling and soul shaking experience to be able to do this for other families in memory of my sweet boy. To be obedient, first of all, and as a result to be the vessel of God's plan to bring His message to these broken hearts. It turned my broken heart into a happy broken heart.
These boxes were welcomed with open arms by ALL of the families there! (Welcomed so much that some families took it upon themselves to go home with 2… Meh, I learned to clarify 1 box per family and then I let it go. God will use each and every box for His glory and He will use them in ways that were not in my plan!) ;)
Well, the boxes were taken by all of the families there except for one couple who happened to have already gotten 2 hope boxes from other hope moms… Ha! Really? That's kinda cool! JM and I really hit it off with this couple, who happened to be the only other couple sitting at our table. We shared our babies with each other, and cried over our pictures. I have a feeling we will be good friends with this couple.
And that was all part of God's plan too. :)