Wednesday, September 3, 2014

My Eternal Sunshine

This is me today.

Another day.  One day closer to meeting my savior face to face.  One day closer to spending eternity with my handsome little man.  My sunshine.  And one day closer to meeting the One who created him.

Sometimes I feel guilty for getting more excited to see Jaxon on that day than I am to see God Himself.  I mean, don't get me wrong… to meet the creator of all of this beauty.  Wow, that is beyond my wildest dreams.  So wild, it is hard to imagine.  Impossible to imagine.  Imagine accurately anyway.

You know that song "You Are My Sunshine?"  Yea, I sang that to Jaxon just about every day while he was growing in my belly.  And I used to wear this shirt all the time.  And obviously I still do.  It says "eternal sunshine."

 Here we are on August 20, 2013.  Please forgive the cheesy bathroom "selfie" and dorky face, ha!  I'm pretty sure I was thinking, "Huh!!  Kinda looks like a basketball down there!  Maybe Jaxon will be a basketball star instead of a baseball star?!?"  ;)

I long for that innocent joy.  Ignorant joy, rather.  I ache to have Jaxon in my belly again.

God I simply do not understand.  

But your ways are higher than mine.  

Thank you for giving me a son.  Thank you for giving me 38 1/2 weeks of ignorant joy with him.  And thank you for the gifts.  Gifts that Jaxon's life on earth is still pouring out on me, and my prayer is they keep pouring out over me and and John-Michael and our future children for the rest of our lives.  

The gift of awareness of grief.  
The gift of compassion.  
The gift of becoming a better parent, a better wife, a better person.  
The gift of becoming closer to You.

In all things, I give You thanks.  I give You all the glory.  You have and will continue to make good from this.

You are enough for me.    

Who knew that this shirt would come to symbolize so much of my sweet Jaxon… My eternal sunshine! 

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